Sunday, November 15, 2009

Xmas is coming!


Christmas is coming folks... its time to take out em spiffy recipes, put up the tree and hope youre on Santa's goody list. Here's a lil something to make sure the yuletide season works for ya, even if Santa or your boyfreind fucked up your gift...







The BEST Christmas Fruitcake Recipe

Ingredients;


1 cup Water
1 cup Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 cups dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice

Some nuts 
 
1 FULL bottle of Jack Daniels


Directions;


Important!!! - Sample the whiskey to check for quality.   
Take out a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.

Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Sample the whiskey again to make sure its still OK.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the burner. Fuck the typos - * hic *
If the fried (fried, dried… whatever) fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for toxicity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt... or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts (if you have em).
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something...whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Dont forget to beat off the turner. 

Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.

Who the fuck likes fruit cake anyway???

Xmas is coming… so season’s greetings to one n all…
N for those who cant cook, bake or make a salad?…go thru recipe steps AGAIN! 

Salut! :D





Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Women are from Venus... Men just wanna go up (to) Uranus... (Da re-run)





“All men ARE Idiots!”


Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem/ blog titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then, she will get on with her life.


A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3am on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and youre a total floozy. But i want you to know theres always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/ I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once.


All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am i emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"


Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, i suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Most times, this method leaves gruesome emotional scars.


Marriage:
Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.


Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.


Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party".


Offspring:
Ahh… children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their dental appointments, soccer practice, swimming lessons, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes n dreams.


A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


Sex:
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.


When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking (BULLSHIT!) Unless the answer is yes (THATLL NEVER HAPPEN!). In which case, can he videotape it? (DUH!)


A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay home having freaky circus sex all night?” (RAIGHTTTT!)


Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys sunglasses, a snazzy new outfit (yes…just ONE) more golf clubs, a REALLY good toupe and goes shopping for a Porsche. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and ride Harleys.


Language:
To men, there is nothing inherently wrong with the word "pussy". Apparently, for women, "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument as well.


Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still at the video arcade and farting in the tub.


Comedy:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eys and groan and wait it out.


Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use large loops in their "p's" and "g's". Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when shes dumping you, shell put a smiley face at the end of the note.


Pets:
Women love pets. Men say they love pets, but when women arent looking, men kick pets.


Grooming:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are immaculate; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, etc.


If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.


His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute – NOT!


Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good!.


Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a brazillian.


Girls, stop asking. If you truly want honesty, dont ask men questions you dont really want the answer to.


Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the niceness of "bald."


Directions:
Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions. If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station or a 7-11 and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like ive found a new way to get there", "I know im somewhere close.”, “K…this IS the scenic route” and “I recognize THAT McDonald’s".


Bathrooms:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a stolen hotel towel.


The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


It is only common courtesy that men should leave the seat on the toilet DOWN when you are done. Wrath or no wrath, “Don’t be such a dick!”


The Telephone:
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important. Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.


If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didnt die. He just didnt want to call you.


Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. Theyll shell out $4,000 for state-of-the-art equipment, build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.


Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.


Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six batteries to operate.


Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grew up identifying with Barbie.


If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of men’s early films end with a scream and a flush.


Men love watches with multiple functions. My ex has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.


Hanging out:
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports, women and booze. When four or more women get together, they talk about the shit men are.


Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. Jeans and a shirt/ t-shirt is considered appropriate for ANY occasion.


When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, AS SOON as she finds her other earring, try on ANOTHER outfit just to make sure, search for better lighting to make sure shoes are color matched, essentially needs ANOTHER hour finalising that clutch/ purse/ carry-all, finishes putting on her make-up, “Should I tie my hair up? Should I bun it instead? How bout this pink hair clip? Erm…hairband?” ......


In a bar/ club:
Female: “Hey, where is that friend of yours?” (Shows genuine concern that your drunk buddy may have passed out in the mensroom)


Male: "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" (I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive girlfriend into a compromising position.) .


Female: "Can I get a Shirley Temple pls." (I'm easy.)


Male: "Can I get a Shirley Temple pls." (I'm gay.) .


Female: "I don't feel well, let's go home." (You are paying more attention to your friends than me, asshole!)


Male: I don't feel well, let's go home."(I'm horny.)


Male to male: "Excuse Me." (Get the hell out of the way.)


Male to female: "Excuse Me." (I am going to grope you now)


Female to male: "Excuse Me." (Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.)


Female to female: "Excuse Me." (Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? Coming in here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)


Shopping:
Most men hate to shop. Thats why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.


Lets face it, if there weren’t any women around, the words ‘mall’ and ‘store’ would not exist!


Shoes:
If it rains, a woman wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from a reputable dept. store. She will then wear her weekend sandals to work. After she gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off as her feet are under her desk and also because preservation is the key to unwanted hassling, haggling and groping at shoe sales.


A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day, entire week, entire year.


Hats:
Women look good in hats; men look like shit. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.


Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and thats it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic, or a thug from the wrong side of the hood.


Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. Theyve experienced pain and bought jewelry.


Magazines:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazine also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the general public.


Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.


Dressing up & Clothes:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, go clubbing, for breakfast, for lunch (in a different outfit of cos), for dinner (yep…u got it, yet another different outfit), water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail, walk the dog and every other imaginable activity possible.


A man will dress up for: weddings…full stop.


Men have an easier time buying swimwear. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.


Women take clothing much more seriously than men. Ive never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here! There's another man wearing the same tie!"


When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.


Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the supermarket and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a bottle of beer (gee, now did that happen?) and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his fully laden cart is filled 90% with beer and 10% of things he absolutely does not need. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.


Cooking:
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.


If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Chips.


If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. Either that or one of his gay buddies put him up to a “pretend-to-like-women night” bet.


Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.


Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e. Microwaving a ham sandwich, fixing canned pasta, etc.) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.


Movies & Television:
For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in ‘Gone With The Wind’. For men, its the full length feature of the sequel to ‘The 3 Stooges : Curly goes to School’


Men are very confident people. Theyre so confident that when they watch sports on television, they think that if they concentrate a lil harder, they can help their team. If the team is in trouble, they coach the players from the living room, and if theyre really in deep deep trouble, women will have to get off the phone just in case the team calls them.


Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly. Why?


Men forget everything; women remember everything. Thats why men need instant replays in sports.


Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the gym and dates only married women.


Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.


Sports injuries:
Lets say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man cringes, doubles over, makes a grimacing face and actually feels pain. Why again?


Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, sports, and women. They exaggerate about money, they dont know sports nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.


Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.


Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Slim Jim.


7 things you'll never hear a man say:


7) Here honey,YOU use the remote.
6) Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
5) Im gonna get another beer, can i get you anything?
4) Sex isnt that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
3) Aww, forget the football match, lets watch Desperate Housewives instead.
2) Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
1) We never talk anymore.


7 things you'll never hear a woman say:


7) What do you mean today's our anniversary?
6) Ohh, this diamond is way too big!
5) Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
4) Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3) Aww, dont stop for directions, im sure youll be able to figure out how to get there.
2) I dont care if its on sale, 300 dollars is way too much for a designer dress.
1) Can we not watch tv tonight? I just wanna have sex.


Whats the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?


Men will spend 8 hours looking for a golf ball!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Internet Scum







In yahoo chat these days, the chat room topics are oh sooooo inconsequential. Talking about one's love for shoes or accessories in a fashion room for e.g., (provided you actually found people to chat with) is nearly impossible as literally dozens of bots consistently and constantly interrupt any real conversation with dozens of screen lines advertising xxx for skank/ slut web camera services and websites. Worse still, these bots bombard with near continuous private messages in an attempt to entice you to even more porn websites and adult cameras on that bot's profile page.  In addition, no sooner than when you try to start adjusting the size of the main window, or try to disable voice, you get a barrage of PMs mostly from large fonted, miniscule dicked, curry loving mofos. Under these conditions it would have been nearly impossible to conduct any meaningful conversation (yes i AM still somewhat optimistic) for more than a few minutes in the chat room or in private had actual people been present. Ignoring these bots became a full time diversion/ chore... which completely eliminated any possibility of conversation.

Switching to a new room only began the ignore process anew with different bots pitching similar x-rated content. Several rooms that claimed to have 30-50 people in them were populated entirely by these automated solicitation accounts or by some messed up chatter seeking to vent anger and revenge on certain disgusting labia-dragging-on-floor old twats who try to play chat goddess by filling the room list with similar, multiple, adulterated accounts. A clear example would be 'oldladyfoskiddymolester123, 4, 5, 6' ... Betcha seen lots of dat in GB1 no? ;)



So i went a seeking, to try and justify all the fallacies and untruths (in a pseudo johnny-sucks-cock id of cos). In a political chat room, i was privileged to witness a truly automated sexual encounter. One sex-bot solicited another sex-bot who in turn sought to convince any humans in the room to check a link in its profile to join both of them and have a good time.  Wtf?!?!?! Real people responded! Many responses of cos had the predictable large font, "hello dear (*puke*)" tag which brings me to believe that goat f****** , hairy, stinky, money-changing, cab driving, car bombing, laundry washing iNdiots are gullible and stupid and probably suffer from PAKI-son's disease! Naturally I had to wonder what the actual sex chat rooms must be like if the non-sex related rooms were so thoroughly populated by these phishing manifestations.

Heading into a straight (YES straight!) sex adult room i was finally able to find people. Of the 47 listed in the room prior to entering, i found four human beings in competition with 43 randomly active bots. Amusingly these males did nothing but complain at the absence of females in yahoo chat and how bored they were. I left the room when 'rahulhandsome69' offered pictures of himself in female lingerie to 'cockoncamRajju' who in turn, offered to expose himself on his web cam in return. Content in my summation of the current status of yahoo chat, i immediately  gave up ANY search for a brain fix or a constructive tete-a-tete about flossing or hedge funds.

It´s truly sad to learn that there is nothing of value remaining on yahoo chat. There was a time when i was able to use the political, religious, or computer rooms of the service to, albeit with some difficulty, gain insight into what others thought regarding world events, socio-philosophy, and religious beliefs. Granted, those views could get a bit off the wall but occasionally  i could still  find one or two people who could express and support in detail viewpoints dissimilar or contrasting my own. These days, even a wanton PM from a certain individual called ' satayman' would pale (oi Satay, i said PALE...NOT welcome) in comparison to the crap dats being spewed. The only voices remaining in Yahoo Chat today comes either from unabashed perverts seeking some form of sexual gratification or from self congratulating leftists working en mass to tailor reasonable auditory to justify their socialist and communist philosophies in direct contrast with their own fucking heritage! 



It doesnt just stop there. Perhaps an hour after exiting yahoo chat, your yahoo mailbox will be flooded with spam email and you will have a ton of offline messages requesting you to  check out various pornographic sites. Apparently yahoo´s online bots capture ones email address to continue their solicitation more directly. I find it hard to believe that Yahoo doesnt just ban these obnoxious and intrusive programs. 


From time to time however, you may get lucky :D. The bots do NOT get to you, the spamming stops, the 'hello hello curry' mofos switch targets... so you have all the time in the virtual world to.... CYBER!


This is an excerpt from how a sexually deprived, unprohibitively anal, truly sick conversation, 2 random( the names have been made up and make NO references to ANYONE in particular- raiggghhhttt)  human chatters may have;




Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Hi
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): hello
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): who is this?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): just a someone...
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): a someone I know?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): nope
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): well sorrrrrry
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): I just wanted to chat with you
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): why?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): nevermind, youre an asshole... wont bother you anymore.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Hey wait a minute
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): yes?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): look im sorry. im just a little paranoid
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): paranoid?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): yes
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): of what?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): me?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): No. im in hiding.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): LOL
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Dont fucking laugh at me!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): This shit is serious!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Who/ what are you hiding from?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): The cops.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): gimme a fucking break
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): im serious.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): I dont get it
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): The cops are after me.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): For what?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): im wanted by da cops!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): For???
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Its kind of embarrasing.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker):  I had sex with a pig. I mean... a REAL farm pig.
*Long pause...

Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Hello? U thr?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): You are fucking sick.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Send me your picture.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): why?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): so I know you arent one of them.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): One of what?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): The cops.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): im not a cop i told you
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Then send me your picture.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): hold on
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Hurry up.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Are you there?
*Pause
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): fuck you, cop!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Hey... sorry
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Got dc-ed

Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): When really you were notifying the authorities.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Werent you!??!?!?!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): thats not it
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Then what?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): I dont want to send you the picture cause im not pretty, plus...im not young anymore.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Most cops aren't
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Then send me the picture.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): fine. Whats your e-mail?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Just send it through here.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens):  Alrite
*PIC* sent
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Did you get it?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Hold on. im looking.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): That was me back in January
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Ive lost weight since then.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I hope so *grin*
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): what?!?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): that hurt my feelings.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Did it?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Yes. im not that much smaller than that now tho… sigh. But make-up helps ;)
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Whatever... Will it make you feel better if i send you my picture?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): yes
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Alright let me find it.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): k
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker):  Ok. Here it is.
*PIC* sent
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): this isnt you!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): ill be damned if it aint!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): You dont look like that!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): How the hell do you know?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): cause your profile has another picture.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I use it to hide from the cops.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): You look like the Michelin guy hahahaha
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Well, you look like you ATE the Michelin guy....
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Go fuck yourself!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I was going to until I saw that picture of yours *puke*
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Now my dick wont get hard for a week.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): I shouldnt have sent you that picture
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Youve done nothing but insult me :(
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens):you hurt me.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): And calling me the Michelin guy doesnt hurt ME?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens):I thought you were bullshitting me!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Why would I do that?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): I cant believe that cops are after you
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I cant believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): FUCK YOU!!!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Youd break both of his legs. Heh
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Youre a FUCKING asshole.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Ive been teased my whole life because of my weight
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): and you make fun of me when you dont even know me
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Ok. Im sorry.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): No you arent
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Youre right. Im not :D
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): HAARRRRR!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Im done with you
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Aww. Im sorry.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Im putting you on ignore
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Wait a sec
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): We got off on the wrong foot.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Wanna start over?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): No
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker):  ill eat your pussy
Pause…
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Youll what?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): You heard me.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I said id eat your pussy.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): I thought you said you couldnt get it hard after seeing my picture?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Id like to know that the man eating me out is excited, yes
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Well im not like most men.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens):  You got THAT right
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I get excited in different ways.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Like what?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Do you really wanna know?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Hmmm
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): You have to tell me yes or no.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Im afraid to
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Why?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): cause
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): cause why?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): well lets see
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): You say you have sex with pigs. You call me fat. Then you wanna eat me out
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Doesnt that seem strange to you?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Nope
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Well, its strange to me
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Fine. I wont do it if you dont want me to
*Long pause
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): I didnt say that
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): So is that a yes?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Errr… I guess so.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Are you willing?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): What do you need me to do??
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I need you talk like a pirate.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): WTF!!??!!??
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): When i start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): ok?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Hello?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): You cant be serious
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Oh yes i am!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Its my fantasy.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): This is retarded
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Do you want it or not?
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Yes i want it.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker):  Then youll do it for me?
Pause…
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): sure
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Ok. Here we go.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I gently remove your panties and begin to massage your thighs.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): You get really juicy thinking about my tongue brushing up against them
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I softly begin to tongue your wet pussy.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I run my tongue up and down your smooth slit.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): mmmm yeah
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): uh oh ...going limp.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): Har
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): You gotta do better than that!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Your picture was really bad.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Ahhhh.  Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): mmmmmm you ARE good
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I feel your thighs tighten as i lick harder
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): going limp
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): HARRRRRRR
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): You begin to sway back and forth.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): going limp
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): this is stupid
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): ...still limp
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Do it!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): WTF?!?!?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): They stink really bad.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): OMG STOP!!! Youre fucking nuts!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I ram it up your ass.
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens): YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Then I pour hot caramel over your head.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): I kick you in the face!
Young Cocotwat (fosterfuckschickens):  FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!
*click*
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Your parrot flies away.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): ...going limp again.
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Hello?
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Say it!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): HAARRRRRR!!!!!
Liberty Flatulence (greenback fucker): Hello? U there? Get back here!