Xmas is coming!

Christmas is coming folks... its time to take out em spiffy recipes, put up the tree and hope youre on Santa's goody list. Here's a lil something to make sure the yuletide season works for ya, even if Santa or your boyfreind fucked up your gift...

The BEST Christmas Fruitcake Recipe

Ingredients;

1 cup Water
1 cup Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 cups dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice

Some nuts 
 
1 FULL bottle of Jack Daniels

Directions;

Important!!! - Sample the whiskey to check for quality.   
Take out a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.

Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Sample the whiskey again to make sure its still OK.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the burner. Fuck the typos - * hic *
If the fried (fried, dried… whatever) fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for toxicity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt... or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts (if you have em).
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something...whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Dont forget to beat off the turner. 
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.

Who the fuck likes fruit cake anyway???

Xmas is coming… so season’s greetings to one n all…

N for those who cant cook, bake or make a salad?…go thru recipe steps AGAIN! 

Salut! :D